When caring for the children isnt the hardest part of the job. 👷🏾

Having interviewed, assessed and worked with quite literally thousands of foster and kinship carers throughout Australia and overseas, I’ve heard all about the various trials and tribulations that may come your way as a carer. While yes, there are a number of carers who will say “it’s the kids behaviours that make fostering so hard” the vast majority don’t share that view. It floors me then, that the members of the general public who enquire to foster who know nothing about foster children have a general worry that the kids themselves are badly behaved, ‘damaged’, ‘beyond help’, and even dangerous. Why is that? Why do we have a system that tells us it’s the kids that are the problem, when in fact, the kids are the very reason so many foster carers STAY on as carers long after they intended to.

It’s the connections with the little ones, who have been hurt or harmed in the past, who want nothing more than to be liked, to be cared for, to feel loved, to be valued. Most carers, 95% of them, feel that heart pull and cannot help but grow attached and passionate and committed to being foster carers.

No, for the most part it's not the kids’ behaviours that result in carers leaving, it’s the very system that needs them. Carers are often wooed by flashy campaigns, confusing rhetoric and promises of supports and assistance that may or may not eventuate. One of the very reasons Tribe started was because we were angered that the system creates a sense of

competitiveness between fostering agencies to get ‘bums on seats’ (or ‘heads in beds’ as we say). They use multiple media campaigns, different websites, catchy slogans, all to try bring people in to be carers.

What the system doesn’t do is fully prep and support applicants BEFORE they become carers, to ensure they are really ready, genuinely informed, and feel valued before they even begin.

Why is that? Because the system doesn’t fund agencies for that. Fostering agencies receive no financial investment to support the ‘not quite ready yet’ carer applicants and in fact only receive funding from the first night a child is placed with one of their carers. So, of course, speeding carers through training and assessments sometimes might be the very aim of some agencies so as to get more people ‘in’.

Don’t get me wrong - the agencies aren’t evil or bad for trying to do so – they genuinely care about ensuring all foster children have a family-based home to go to and they want and NEED carers badly because as we all know, there aren’t nearly enough carers to meet the growing need of children entering the care system. But what happens if you’re not the right match to the agency, or you’re not quite ready to be a carer. You will still be encouraged, enticed, compelled to become a carer and then potentially, if you’re not ready or really aware of what may come your way, we lose you before the first 12 months is up.

Statistically, most carers who enter the system will not last longer than 12 months! How heartbreaking is that. Good people with good intentions and good hearts do the ‘right’ thing, apply to foster, go through the intrusive, intensive application process (which of course it needs to be) only to burn out within one year. Its an expensive exercise, to have to re-advertise, re-train, re-assess potential carers….and that’s the economic cost. What about the human cost, of us having children move placements 30, 40, 50 times in their young lives.

Sadly, I’m not exaggerating.

So why do carers burnout? One reason is exactly as we say here at Tribe. You have to be ready. You have to have carefully considered, researched, and learnt all you can before taking that next exciting but potentially scary step to becoming a carer. If you don’t, you enter uninformed, and you will quickly become disappointed, jaded, or even angered by what you see and hear.

Another reason is a lack of understanding and empathy for the role of carers. You are VOLUNTEERING your time, opening up your heart and your home, changing your lifestyle and so you should be highly respected! You should be listened to… you are often the ones who know the kids in your care best. You should be considered….and your views gained when there are changes in case plans.

While your views won't always be the ones that come out on ‘top’, just being respected enough to be asked your opinion and having your views heard shows you how much you are valued and needed. It can be really hard when case workers in the government departments changeover so quickly – they too have such intense jobs, with so much pressure…but sometimes that may mean they don’t listen to carers or children like they should (There are many that do, but they don’t always get given the time or space to do so due to high caseloads, minimal training and limited mentoring).

The agencies we partner with here at Tribe completely understand and are on the same page as us. They value foster carers and potential carers (like you!) and are deeply committed to their carers because they know that without you, we have no child protection/foster care system. They recognise the need to train, upskill, inform, educate and support potential carers…even if you’re not going to be ready to foster for another few months or years while you wait to finish your renovation or your child starts school, or you move to bigger house.

So, partner with Tribe and we’ll link you with the right agency at the right time. If you’re not quite ready yet, stay in touch and keep learning, reading and watching all you can about fostering, so that when you are ready to take that step, you’re informed, you’re skilled, you’re ready to go!

Are you ready to take the next step, if you are, complete the pre-screen quiz now here!