Myths about Foster Care DEBUNKED! 🤯

There is a lot of information out there about fostering. A LOT.

In some ways, there’s a lot that says not very much at all. It is confusing and contradictory, depending on which website you’re on, which agency you’ve contacted and which area you live in.

Today, we want to debunk the top 5 myths about foster care!

Myth #1 – The kids are all challenging and their behaviours are hard work!

This simply put, this isn’t true. Yes, children in foster care come into the system for a wide variety of reasons, most of which involve suffering some form of trauma or abuse, and this can make kids feel a whole range of emotions which they express in different ways. The great thing is there’s training before and after you become a carer.

Children can feel anything from sadness, fear, anger, anxiety, even relief and then shame and guilt, about entering the care system. Kids, like adults, when stressed or in pain, show emotions through their behaviours. These could be not using manners or not going to bed on time. They could struggle to share or make friends. Or it could include more ‘in your face’ behaviours such as being aggressive, swearing or throwing things, or withdrawing and not showing any emotions at all. But the good thing is, before you take on any young people in your care, you’ll be given mandatory training, you can talk through any potential worries you have with professionals, and you’ll have access to lots of opportunities to learn and gain confidence in how to support our kids.

You’d be surprised though; you often have already experienced some of these behaviours (if you work with kids, have cared for kids or have kids yourself). Who hasn’t had or witnessed the ever-so-nice experience of a tantrum in a grocery store? And it is your experiences, with our support, which means you’ll be able to manage behaviours that might arise.

Myth #2 – I’ll grow connected to a child, then I’ll have to say goodbye!

This is somewhat true. We want our carers to grow attached to all the kids in their care. We want you to shower them with nurturing care, compassion, love and support, but this is where things get tricky. We need you to do all that, all the while knowing that you’re caring for someone else’s child who may return home or to other family members (kin) when safe to do so. This is why foster carers are some of the most unique, incredible, selfless people on the planet! As a carer you’ll have the amazing opportunity to show to a child what safety feels like, what love looks like, how relationships need to function.

Skills and experiences that will set them up for later life. Not all children return home, some move on to other placements, some transition to residential care homes as teenagers, some move on from placements because they reach adulthood. When children move on, it will be sad, it will be hard, but if you’ve built enduring relationships with them, these might be sustained even if their placement with you ends. When transitions happen, Tribe (and your support agency) will be here for you.

Myth #3 – I won’t get any support!

This is absolutely not true! There is so much support available out there for carers, but you need to know what ‘support’ actually means and be clear on what you require.

There is training available before and during your fostering journey, both online and in-person, through your agency, through Tribe, and through many others. There are online and in-person opportunities to connect with other carers. There is a peak body called Qld Foster and Kinship Care who provide you with emotional support, advice and advocacy if you need them. Your agency and the Department of Child Safety will both provide practitioners who will visit your home regularly, to offer emotional support and advice when you have a child in your care.

However, if you wish to foster a primary, full-time placement, and need practical support to pick up kids after school, take them to family contact sessions, babysit them on weekends, then you will not receive this type of support. You need to think, “If that was my child, who would be picking them up from school if they were sick?” If the answer is “me!” then it needs to be you who picks up a foster child for the same reasons.

This is where having a really strong personal support network, of friends, family, aunts, uncles etc comes in handy. If they can provide you support, as they might for your own child/ren now, then they can also assist in the practical care needs of foster carers…maybe even ensure you have a night out occasionally. Because everyone needs a break every once in a while. 😊

Myth #4 – I can’t foster because; I’m single / I don’t have children / I’m not married / I don’t own my own home / I’m gender diverse / I’m in a same sex relationship

So, none of these are true. None. We have such a wide range of young people coming into care who need a wide range of carer types. We need single carers who can offer full and undivided attention to children. We need carers who have not got pre-conceived notions about what parenting is (which sometimes can come from not having a child yourself).

Being married has no bearing on whether you will be a good carer or not, neither does whether you own your home or rent it. As long as your spousal relationship (if you have one) is a stable, secure relationship and your housing situation is the same – stable and secure.

Finally, your gender or sexual identity has no negative impact upon your application. We just need you to be yourself and be passionate about caring for a child in need!

Myth #5 – I will have no control over the types of children who enter my home.

With the amount of children entering the care system and the lack of carers to meet that need, there may be some pressure (or strong encouragement!) to take placements of children or young people who aren’t the ‘right fit’ for your home or family.

It is crucial you are able to advocate for yourself and your family, to only provide care for those you know you’ll be able to.

Stay in close communication with us and with your agency to ensure you are set up with the right type of child in the right type of placement so you can do what you set out to do, which is provide a safe, warm, loving and caring experience for a child in care.

There are many other myths about fostering. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions but specifically, if you’d like to know more about fostering and the potential impact upon your own biological children, watch out for our next blog posts and emails, as we're going to cover a lot of this off!

Mel James

Tribe Co-Founder