I can't even care for my plants, how on earth can I care for a foster child? 😧

I don’t know about you, but I often forget to water my indoor plants. Then, when I remember, I give them too much love, over-watering them. I move them into the sunshine, forgetting them until they are scorched. Then taking them back inside and putting them back into a corner, without any sunlight for weeks. The cycle continues until they eventually give up, wave the white flag and say ‘I’m done for’. I remember thinking before having kids, if I can’t even keep a robust indoor plant alive, how on earth can I look after a child?

Fostering isn’t about having a child-related university qualifications, heaps of parenting knowledge or child care skills like knowing how to do ‘time in’ not ‘time out’ with a child. Rather than these ‘competencies’, the best carers have personality traits or ‘qualities’ that make them excellent at what they do.

The best qualities in carers are those who genuinely taken an interest in children and young people and can focus on the child’s best interests, above that of their own. For example, if you’re someone who loves a good sleep in on a weekend, then maybe providing respite on weekends for rambunctious toddlers who wake with the dawn and need to be out and about, burning off energy at parks and playgrounds, may not be the right ‘fit’ for you.

Other qualities are being empathetic and having good listening skills. Listening to a ten year old go on and on about what they built in Minecraft might seem exhaustive to some, but listening to the ‘small’ things for little people means they are more likely to tell you about the ‘big’ things too! The ability to be flexible and adaptive, moving and changing when things don’t go as planned, is a really great personality trait to have as well. Visits from workers, contact sessions with parents, activities with peers, all sometimes get cancelled or need to be rescheduled. If children in your care can see you managing when life throws you a curveball, they too will be able to handle disappointments and show perseverance and resiliency to help find a solution or alternative plan.

Perseverance is an amazing attribute to have and one that is critical to fostering. There are going to be times with the child’s behaviours or presentations just aren’t great. You are in the grocery store with the toddler throwing themselves on the floor for a 45 minute tantrum. You are on your way to an important work meeting and you get THAT call from the school saying ‘come pick ‘em up or they will be suspended!’ You are struggling to connect with the child in your care, to get along and to enjoy them being in your home. Its in these times you will have to find your patience and your perseverance, your ‘stickability’ as we like to call it, and stay the course. Its not always going to be easy, but if you work through those times a child pushes your buttons and you stick with them, you will see a change. They will trust you will be there for them and they will shine!

The feedback I’ve had from carers over the years has been that its not the child or young person that causes them the most grief. It’s the ‘system’! The working with constantly changing workers, having to re-tell yours and the child’s story over and over again. It’s the onerous amounts of paperwork and the difficulty getting others outside your home to truly see past the challenging behaviours to what lies beneath; this amazing child who is growing, learning and shining! So another quality you need to have is the ability to work in a team, to work in a system that is not without its faults. To remember you’ve got shared goals and visions with those on the fostering ‘team’ – you’re all there to keep the child safe and to help them grow, whether in your care, at home with their family of origin or as an adult transitioning from care. If you are a creative, flexible, dependent and stable person, then you’ll be a great team member too! Being even-tempered and able to manage differences of opinion aren’t bad qualities to have too! Maybe those attending anger management courses for road-rage aren’t quite the applicants we’re looking for!?

If the worst crime you’ve been charged with is over-loving your plants with too much water, then maybe fostering is for you! Because thankfully, fostering is nothing remotely like looking after a plant. Yes, you do have to feed, nurture, clothe and give a child sunshine, of course, but the real skills of being a carer are ones that most of us have, without really even realising it. You do not have to have a university degree in child developmental milestones; you do not need to have been a parent before; you do not need to even know anything about fostering….all of these things can be taught over time.

And there is plenty of time, as the fostering application process takes time as you would now know from my other blogs. If you’re reading this and waiting – waiting for training, waiting for an assessment, waiting for your assessment to go to Panel – use the time wisely to read up and learn more about these things.

Keep an eye out for the Tribe Academy - We’re releasing easy-to-engage-with learning modules in the coming months that you can access from your iPhone or tablet, you can learn about fostering while watering your plants!

- Mel